Wednesday, August 31, 2011

pictures, pictures galore.











just fun random pictures i guess.. these ones arn't even good.. yeah.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

so i haven't blogged much lately.


i don't really know why.
lifes just been sorta, "blah" lately.
some of it has been awesome,
then the rest has just been like, ehjeofoej not so awesome.
like this terrible sickness is like, noooo,
and then this news i got the other day.
and i have a feeling that school this year is just gonna.. idk.
but at least im gonna try this year.
and all together its just like
ahhhh i need some sort of get away from everything.

i want summer to come back.

i feel like im in some sort of box of blah.
a big annoying box of blah that im trapped inside.
i feel like a fish.
in a little fish tank.
what fish likes to be in a fish tank?
i need an ocean.

im sure everything is gonna work out though.
im trusting God,
he knows what he's doing.

on an off topic note,
i've been really into the food channel lately..
it makes me really hungry.
and also really makes me wanna learn how to cook.
one day ill be a iron chef champion.
yep.
well, maybe not..
but maybe.
anythings possible, right? :p

you know, spending a whole day at home alone because of sickness really gets you thinking.
what is this news actually does happen?
will things change?
for the better?
for the worse?
no change at all?
what if all these plans fall flat because of it.
i really hope not.
i like these plans.
a lot.
a lot a lot.
and how dare anyone take me away from this happiness!
dhdjfjrkfbrfjcje.

my head is going to explode.

on that note.. here's a cool picture i took outside of the church on Sunday.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

summer and broccoli.

I was gonna make a post about summer,
But then I couldn't think of what to write..
Even though this summer has been,
One of the best yet,
I don't have much to say about it.
So here's a list of awesome things that happened.

- Went to camp!
- Became closer to people I didn't think I'd become close with c:
- Made a lot of new friends.
- Fell in love <3
- Met the person I was destined not to meet.
- Met the albaquanders, and then they left, and now I miss them oodles and bunches! :c
- Went to Jesus Culture!
- GOT SAVED :D I LOVE JESUS, WOOT WOOT! C:
- We said it. c: (you may not know what im talking about, but.. yeahh.. c:)

And im sure a lot of other awesome things happened, but these are the key points c:

I don't wanna go back to school tomorrow.

Being an 'upperclassman' sounds scary.

Grrr. *poofy pouty face* :8

Welp, here's a short little random poem I wrote about broccoli..
It's not a serious one..
More for fun.
And cause I love broccoli :p

broccoli, broccoli
misunderstood
there's no other vegetable
nearly as good
you taste just like heaven
you look like a tree
my little green lovely
how i adore thee
explosion of colour
unmissable taste
a forest of flavour
that should be embraced
i'd eat you for breakfast
and dinner
and tea
oh how I love you
my sweet, brock-a-lee

Yeaaahh, idk :p

<3

grr

dear blogger,

please stop being a jerk by not showing the blog updates on the homepage and by not letting me click "next blog" after several blogs >.< oh, and please tell your friend, mr blogger mobile app, to let me post more than one picture when i try to make a blog post from my phone.

sincerely, mara. C:

Saturday, August 20, 2011

happy music (:


hm, just some songs you should all listen to because they make me happy (:

















well, yeah, enjoy (*:

Crazed, Dazed,

Another poem, I'm not really sure if I like this one..
It's more depressing-ish-er than most of my other ones.
I don't really know the meaning behind it..
Or do I?

Crazed, dazed
Demented ways,
fueled by selfless addiction.
Crazed what he says
set in a demonic dimension.
Crawling around and looking up,
looking to pull me down in a sick level.
I resist and get there blank stare,
all that I gave them was another devil.
Broken and weary, 
there was a realization of some other fear.
Someone that was above us all,
feeling a rain drop or tear.
It was them all as one,
as a part of the rooms only left attempts at feeling.
I guess we see others,
worse off helps them in dealing.
It's all nonsense you create,
and even others will participate.
It's all a cycle,
where there's only love and hate.
We're all going nowhere but to one another,
to spread our emotion,
To get our revenge,
to spread our devotion.
It's all for the sense we crave,
and what we'll do not to be the only one.
Show others that we don't like what it means,
to have the only self nonsense grown.
So we got this division of self,
and a piece of nonsense was given to our divided one.
To live beside one another,
knowing that even this divided state won't help us

recover.


Days like today.

Are the best kind of day.
Started with cleaning and my happy music.
And ended with words, fire, and stars.
Words that were once unsaid,
Finally out.
Off of paper,
Into plain spoken word.
And it wasn't even that hard.
They came out so..
Naturally.
Like they're meant to be said,
To that specific person.
I hope he thinks the same thing.
I'm not even afraid to say it anymore.
It's really funny,
Like, it wouldn't come out,
And then when it did,
I felt like some huge weight,
Like a giant squirrel was sitting on my chest,
And then when the words came out,
It jumped off.
And now its like, yay (:
I can't even like think right now..
My mind is everywhere.
So I'm gonna leave you with this i guess..
Here's a really cool picture of fire I took tonight (:


Thursday, August 18, 2011

im an awkward person.

took that picture (:
it's blurry but for some reason i really like it.

omg fright night with david tennant comes out of friday!
yaayz.
who wants to take me to see it? (;

anyhoo..

i don't know what this post is really gonna be about.
i can't really think right now.

i really wish it would thunderstorm.
i need something calming like that.

the smiths will do for now.
i don't know why, 
but lately ive been REALLY obsessed with them.
ive always liked them and all,
but lately i'm all
OMG THE SMITHS ROCK MY SOCKS AHHHH
hm..
i'm weird.

I'm also really upset that i can't find my charger.
literally, i left it in the wall by my kitchen table when i left for church,
came home..
it's no longer there..
i really honestly think it jumped out,
and ran to some unknown place..
just cause it knew i would want it when i got home..
like seriously.

what the heck is going on with the world!?

i'm in a really weird mood cause of the day.
my mom came home from cleveland, yay. 
then it was normal.
except those couple perfect moments where nothing happened. 
like really.. 
omg.

i don't think my brain functions correctly.
i think it likes to make me wait for the most unperfect times to do things, to do them.
and when the perfect ones come along..
it says "HAHAH. NOPE"

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

i'm such an awkward person.
either that or awkward situations just pop into my head a lot.
and when i'm about to say something i really need to say..
it just has to get all silent so i can't..
i was gonna whisper it.
but then i was like, or not,
maybe he wont hear me,
then it'd be super awkward.
when he's like oh what'd you say?
and then other people listen in?
even though i know he'd know what i said.
but still.
that wouldn't happen..
but, those of who who don't know me..
i over-think..
A
L
O
T
more than I really should.

but i honestly think that these things i'm thinking,
these unspoken words,
need to be said.
and we say that all the time.
not in person, of course.
but we think them,
and we say them through electronic devices,
and we whisper them across cities to eachother.
but they need to be said when were together,
while im in your arms for the moment,
during those times when i catch myself staring at you and i'm thinking them anyways.

so i've made my decision.
not gonna say it right now..
but i do know.
and hopefully i see you again this week.
i will.

i'm done with this shyness, awkward, nonsense.
hopefully.
and it's funny how,
it's like we know exactly what eachother is thinking.
were you thinking the same thing in the dark piano room?

sdfujwehusfklesfdc.

 OH, and those of you who have skype.. lemme give you a little tip,
when you video call someone,
and they press DECLINE 
the first time,
that DOES NOT mean:
call 429857494720358 more times,
just to get declined everytime.
Like..
get the hint.
so on that note, i have a headache.
goodnight, blogger.
here's some random pictures.

 


GOD LOVES YOU.
<3
He really does.
A lot.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Mi Abuela.


A short poem I wrote after my grandma passed.

Mi abuela
(she taught me something only a dying person could-the power of grace under unforgiving circumstances.)
Her Legacy
For as long as I live you will live
Through my eyes that seem to lose
that sparkle every now and then due to saddness,
Through my words of letter that you gave wisdom and strength in
Life,
Through my heart you left a print of
Love,
that will forever smile.

Te amo mucho, abuela. Te echo de menos.


Monday, August 15, 2011

To my new follower.

HI.
I'm really kind of excited in an odd way that I don't know you.
But thanks for following me! :D
You're cool and very nice (:
Have a nice day!

Clouds




 
You know when you look up,
at the sky on a dreamy summers day.
You see big white masses,
a floating in the sky.
Yet as you look,
they look so much alike,
its hard to believe.
When you look again,
they've taken a different shape.
Some are white,
some are gray.
and some maybe black.
It's funny how clouds,
can be intertaining.
how amazing the way they move,
lazily across the sky.
On a lazy summers day.
You can lay on the green grass and watch the floating clouds,
making animal figures amoung themselves.
As they float,
passing by.
It's funny how clouds can be intertaining.
Clouds can give you a warning,
that a storms coming.
It's not funny,
but interesting how clouds can be intertaining.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens.

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, white copper kettles, and warm woolen mittens. Brown paper packages, tied up with strings. These are a few of my favorite things." My Favorite Things - Sound Of Music

Actually, no whiskers on kittens. But here's some pictures of raindrops I took today after the rain. (:











The Path

Around I travel in circles,
How many times?
My enemy observing,
Plotting,
Laughing,
Pointing,
And mocking.
Anger and hate,
So strong in it's eyes.
The Path,
You grow weak,
If you move too fast for too long.
A promised future ahead of me,
My mighty past gives chase,
The wilderness can be so deadly,
Do not stop in such a hopeless place.
The Path chosen,
At times can seem to be way to long.
Waters of trial,
Promising death,
Full of blackness and blinding sorrows.
A path is made,
Guiding my steps,
The path is a glimpse of every tomorrow.
Fear is there to makes one weak,
Fear not fear,
I must be strong,
be strong.
My past,
My guilt,
Still it pursues,
In a flash,
My enemy is gone.
Engulfed in darkness,
Where it belongs,
My promise,
my future,
It must be truth.
Even though you feel weak,
God's Path is to make you strong,
Be strong.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Reflection

A shorter one again, :p
Someone told me that all my posts are like novels, so here's some shorter ones for ya (:
I wrote this one for a friend, pretty recently.

Look in the mirror and tell me what you see,
Maybe,
the next doctor,
lawyer or president to be,
Look in the mirror and tell me what you want to achieve,
When you look in the mirror it is important that you always believe,
Look in the mirror and see that you have the ability,
Any other excuse that you have,
is just so silly to me,
When you look in the mirror,
you see a reflection of yourself,
Depend on what you have and do not depend on anyone else,
There is nothing on this earth that is too good for you,
Whatever you put your mind to, know that you can do,
When you go to bed,
add those dreams to your collection,
And when you wake,
tell it all to your reflection.

Opinions are appreciated (:

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Happy Kylie is happy.

*okay i wrote this last night.. but for some reason it didn't publish D:

omgomgomg..
John Cena.
Is on my tele.
Right now.
Ahhh.
I must say,
I usualllllyy don't like guys with short hair,
But John Cena is the most attractive person on the face of this earth..
Well, almost.
But he's waaaay up there.
Top 3.
And he's on my tele,
And will be..
For the next 2 hours and 32 minutes ^.^
 
Yayz, happy Kylie is happy.

I feel like I should be reading my book..
Or not..
LEMME GET A WOOT WOOT FOR PROCRASTINATION.

WOOT WOOT.

But seriously though..
Who would want to read this?..
Two guys,
Trying to save America,
From a serial killer..
That takes place in the 1870's..
Like, what?
No.
Gross.

Today was a good day (:

"Head, shoulders, knees, and toeees. Don't talk about that noseeee. I want a chin, I think that's everything. I'm good as newwww.... but still not ginger!!"

Hmm.. 

I was gonna make a blog post, with cool pictures and such,
But I can't use my dads computer right now.
(I blog off my phone)
And I would put them here, but I can't place them where I want..
So they'd end up just being at the end.
Maybe ill put some random pictures, of really random things at the end of this..

Maybe..

Hmm..

Grrrr..

Thoughts, thoughts.
So many thoughts,
Just racing through my head..

Hriprnrifjeowlebei.

"Olive youuu, and everything you do. What two words can mean, afraid to say the other three. Olive you, the words are coming true. I don't know what to say, but olive you."

Yep. Whata good song.
Cheesy in a cute, sweet kinda way.

I really want some more bows.
For those of you who don't know me,
I wear a bow in my hair everyday.
I guess you could say its like my trademark.
But I only have 4. :(
A cute little green one.
A purple one.
One with a cute pink monster on it.
And a giant pink one. But I don't really wear that one.

Someone should take me to Claires so I can buy some more (:
Any takers?
No?
Didn't think so.
Sadfacee.
:(

Joanie does not always look sad.
She just has cute eyes that are somewhat sad looking.. (:

One minute 'till 11:11!!!
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
Do, do, do, do, do, dododo..

YES.
wissssssshing.

kdone. 
Made my wish (:

Whoa.. this movie is really kind of awesome.
If you have never seen the movie 12 Rounds..
You need to go watch it..
Like right now..
Now..
GO.
WATCH.
IT.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

okay you don't haveeee to..
but you have to.

Or else i will hunt you down..

and draw a mustache on you with a bright blue sharpie..

and cut..
your hair.. :p

Well.. on that note..
Here's some random pictures to leave you smiling..
hopefully (:

I love you all!!
Even if i don't know you (:







^yes, you are (:

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Emotional weather

The shortest poem I've ever written,
Ever.
Just cause I'm too lazy to type out a long one.

a rainbow
colors in the sky
sunlight
reflection in the window
rain
downpour of my heart
storm
anger letting go
snow
peaceful in the night
fog
troubles getting through


Opinions are appreciated.
I gueeeeess. :p

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

And as boredom begins to take over my life..

I'm so bored..
It's like 7pm,
And I'm stuck at home.
Watching the food channel..
Ahhhhh.

I haven't been doing anything productive for hours.. literally.

I guess I'll just write free..
Right here.
Right now.
Why not?

Oh, circles, circles.
Gratifying circles.
Running me in circles 'till my legs give out.
And when legs give out,
The lungs give in too.
The towel hits the mat,
No need for round two.
But I thought I was a fighter?
With that killer lefty hook?
I traded lips with the knockout,
One blow was all it took.
So I'm not the best fighter.
But I still got some fight.
Pull myself off the ground.
One more for me tonight.
It's a battleground you see,
Tactical moves, strategy.
Gotta be eight moves ahead,
Or surely you're beat.
But what game might you ask?
What contest? What about?
What requires so much thinking?
Would you say it out loud?
And I would and I will.
I feel we've waited long enough.
It's a war zone out there.
When you're waging it with love.
'Cause they got bullets for the lovesick.
We only got knives.
Better get out quick,
If you want to stay alive.
'Cause heavy hearts are still a burden,
Be they happy, be they sad.
No matter what its filled with,
The weight can be a drag.
Look to your fellow soldiers,
And maybe you'll find the one.
Who fights the same fight as you.
And perhaps lends you their gun.
And with your finger on the trigger,
You realize the strangest thing.
This certain boy or girl,
Causes your heart to sting.
But its not the sting of a bullet,
Or pain that digs in deep.
But a sense of calm serenity.
A sudden rush of sleep.
And while you're on the battlefield,
They bring you perfect dreams.
By the time you wake,
They've become your everything.
So now this is no war,
That's being fought just for yourself.
Your scrapping for them.
You'd rifle through the seven layers of Hell.
The demons and the ghosts,
Of memories eat away.
But you've got no room for then to stay.
As if a cleansing rain from Heaven,
Fell fourth from clouds on high,
Wash over all your fears,
Wave off the lonely goodbye.
So now this war is over,
And the sun shines again.
And the one you love has you in their hand.
Running circles around them.

Hm, well I'm done.
That was interesting.
Wrote and edited, and reread, and re-edited in like.. 2 and a half hours.
That's a really short time..
So this probably isn't good..
But whatever,
I got bored.

Opinions are appreciated (:

whoa..

Okay..
I don't know what's going on..
RARRR..

I'm like.. going crazy..
Does anyone else do this? 
It's like a really weird state.. where I just go into complete over-thinking mode..
Even if things are going perfectly fine, 
and the slightest thing might go weird, or wrong,
I go into this 'AHHH-NO-WHAT-DID-I-DO-OR-AM-I-JUST-OVER-THINKING' mode..

This happened last night, hm.
And then I was thinking, about how much I over-think, and then started over-thinking about that!
And I was seriously like.. going crazy.
And even things that I know I shouldn't over-think about..
Like, sometimes I'll be praying,
and I'll think to myself "I'm not doing this right." or "I'm missing something." or "Am I using the wrong words?"
And then sometimes I just result to, "God, you know what I'm trying to say here. Just go along with it." 
And then I'm like.. idhjfiskdfgfkdx.
And then I'm like, I know you can't be bad at praying, or anything..
But it's still like.. very hard to explain.

grr.

And me and my friend Joanie were talking,
and we both do this:
When were like texting, or chatting, or iming someone,
and they don't reply right away,
I get all paranoid like ahhhh what did I say, come back :(
Even if I say something totally normal, or nice, 
and they don't reply, I get all like..
D:

And then sometimes really werid over-thinking happens, like..
I have become really aware that I am human, if that makes any sense? 
Like, for example (and this sounds really stupid), 
I spent a couple of minutes today contemplating how I know how to use my limbs. hahah. 
Like I would just open and close my hand and say to myself "How do I do this?" and "This is so weird?"

Basically I have just felt really weird. I hate to admit it, but my thought processes have been downright bizarre.

 I also think I say, or maybe just type.. "Like," too much..

RAWR,

Sometimes I think about things that shouldn't even be over-thought about..
Like emotions..
How do you know that you're happy, 
or mad,
or scared,
or sad,
or love?
Why do we get these emotions?

What is happiness?
"Happiness depends upon ourselves."
I think I like that definition the most.
Happiness is whatever you make it out to be. There's a personal perspective on what happiness actually is.
Everyone knows the age old, "Money cannot buy happiness." Well, if you find happiness in superficial things or objects, then oh yes it can.
And some might say that finding happiness in material things is wrong, well who gives a hoot?
Not saying that I do, but if it makes that person happy, then let them find happiness in there.
I mean, what if a good friend made you happy? And I said that good friend was annoying or something.
Wouldn't you be upset by that?
So it's the same thing in this case, except that instead of a friend it's material goods.
Basically my point is don't force yourself into people's happiness. Let them find it themselves.
If they happen to find it in you, then woo that's awesome!
If you make them unhappy, stop bugging them. You might just make them mad...

"For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness"
Anger is another emotion that strikes just about everyone.
Even today I was pretty angry, there are just those things that make us go boom.
Why do we get angry?
I don't have some fully back-boned research supported answer,
But I think we get angry cause we hate being directly challenged. Thinking back to most cases I was angry, I'm usually mad cause some standpoint, or belief, or perspective of mine was being challenged by another authority.
Or other times, it's because of ignorance. Like as selfish as this sounds, I get angry from time to time when something great I've done is quite blatantly gone unnoticed.
The biggest problem about anger, is that it leads down so many dangerous roads.
Anger brings you to hatred,
To revenge,
To grudges,
Anger can bring along pain.
Controlling this anger is actually really hard sometimes, but I think I've done a decent job of keeping chill, right?
On second thought... don't answer that, haaah.

"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself."
In my opinion I think that's junk.
There's so many things out there that we have that we might be afraid of.
Loneliness,
Murder,
Kidnapping,
The dark
Clowns,
Boats,
Knives.
The list goes on and on. I think fear is never truly real though. I think fear is simply an emotion that appears in the absence of any other emotion for that object. Maybe that's where the term
"Fear of the unknown" came from. We fear things when we have unknown emotions for them?
I don't know, I'm just playing cat and mouse with this subject.


"Start hating the world early, cause it will only hate you back."
The person that came up with that quote must be quite pessimistic,
I mean, sure you're not gonna get along with everybody, but you'll get along with a lot of them.
To be honest, I feel bad when I get those ideas of hatred for other people.
I know I shouldn't feel such anger and despise them so much, but it just happens you know?
Most of them aren't even trying to get me to hate them, but I guess some things just get to me.
But I honestly don't think I legitimately hate anyone.
Could you imagine, a world without hate?
The smiles, the laughter, the good times,
The world without misery.


"Misery loves company."
Misery,
Sorrow,
Pain,
The three just about are the same.
Sadness is what comes about from the extreme loss of happiness. And it's saddening to know how often such an extreme occurs.
There's so much in life that brings us down. It's a shame to know how many people are depressed these days.
It's even worse just to think about how many people are depressed and the people that are close to them have not a clue what's going on.
I'm not saying to go about and be a miracle worker or anything, but if you see someone sad or depressed or something,
Just simply ask them if anything is wrong. And if they proceed to tell you what it is that's bothering, just listen.
Sometimes that's all we need, we need someone to just listen.
If every person who read this, took the above steps into action,
I guarantee at least a few of you would make someone feel good, and happy.

Last but not least,
"All you need is love, love, love is all you need."
Of all the emotions we feel,
I will definitely argue and defend my standpoint that love is the most important emotion one can feel/experience.
Love is almost as dangerous as anger though.
With many pros come many cons.
Love can give you hope,or tear it down.
Love can can light up your world, or hurl you into the shadows.
Love can keep you sane, or drive you crazy.
Love can make you feel so alive, or it can just as easily kill you.
But despite it all,
I think it'd be safe to say that just about everyone would give anything to find love.

RARRRR, see what I mean about over-thinking!??!

I think I'm gonna stop now..

I'm starting to scare myself..

Haaahh....

jdshfjokewljsfmcedsfceds

Monday, August 8, 2011

Jump in a Jar of Glitter

Welp, I didn't post a poem or song yesterday.. or the day before that..
So sorry,
I've been having a very emotional, crazy, awesome week to be worrying about that.
But i gueeeeeeeeess I can post one now, so here it is (:

I wrote this more recently,
and I'm really proud of it.
I actually like it (:


Enjoy!

I jump in a jar of glitter,
To see if maybe I could shimmer,
And maybe shine.
All the time.
Like you do when you smile,
Or dance among my mind at night.
This cavern I've tucked,
Beneath my skull.
At times can be,
Awfully dull.
My brain's a prison,
People rarely visit.
Yet I find you there, 
In my waking minutes.
And also those in when I sleep.
So desperate am I inside my dreams.
Frankly, you are always on my mind.
But you're heavy so if you would be so kind,
Exit the stage from mouth or sides.
Before this tongue is knotted from rhymes.
Before this gets too tightly tied.
Before my heart is terrified.
And have me frozen,
Locked in place.
Like when I was afraid,
In my childhood days.
Of spiders, knives, and things unknown.
And the things I should have never been shown. 
So I hid beneath the covered side,
And heard all the others,
Come pass by.
They whispered secrets,
Of childhood galore.
Secrets that aren't,
Secret anymore.
Now I've grown up,
Merely older by age.
It seems my perspectives,
Have all stayed the same.
And my outlook on the world,
On meaning,
On you.
Have been so consistent.
Even if I changed other views,
'Cause even if the window panes,
Shatter and they fall.
The scene outside you're seeing,
Will not change at all.
So I'll tilt my head and crane my neck,
For one more glance or two at best,
To try and see inside your head.
To understand just what you said.
Could you say that,
There is no hope?
So I don't hang,
Tight to this rope.
Just let me tell you that there is no chance,
The unsolved,
Has driven me mad.
I need closure, but you left me hanging.
Where's my composure?
It seems to be lost.
In thought.
In moment.
Breathe for a second.
The rhythm of inhaling,
Has turned on me.
A weapon.
A pistol, a gun.
Pointed maliciously,
Right at my lungs.
A time bomb that's ticking,
Right in my heart.
Waiting for the hour,
To tear me apart.
Your words are denotation,
But what you don't say is worse.
The lack of your clarity,
Is cutting in with every verse.
The way it digs,
The way it hurts.
I swear I've known before,
Familiar I'll tell,
I've tasted so well.
Is right back at my door.
You're an angel yet you torture me.
But I know you don't mean to try.
You've driven me off insanity,
Still I haven't learned yet to die.
So I'm stuck at the bottom of this cliff,
In the wreckage of this car.
It had no set of brakes equipped,
It drove a little far.
So now I'm bloodied and bruised.
And I'm battered and abused.
From the nights I have spent awake,
Searching for the answers that,
I will never find but I,
Don't know how to give it up.
So I still dare to ask and try.
And maybe one day I will learn,
the things that I still haven't seen.
That I have not yet unearthed.
But I'll save the big words for later,
And start with the ones that are a bit little.
And I guess I'll begin my search,
By jumping into a jar of glitter.


Opinions are appreciated (:

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Jdkekeidjdodjsowpakchxudbsnqoxhxnen.

^that's how I feel right now.

It's a combination of,
Happy,
Sad,
Annoyed,
Calm,
Regret,
Ecstatic,
Scared,
Tired,
Random,
Upset,
Happy again,
And then just like..
Blahhhh.

Grrr. >.<

I want to go to youth group.
But I'm happy I get to see my family this weekend.

I miss the Albuquerganders already.
But its not goodbye,
It'll never be goodbye,
Even though we may never see eachother face to face again,
We'll see eachother in heaven.
Along with billions upon billions of others.
God certainly has a plan for us all (:
I'm sure we'll see eachother again sometime soon though.
Hopefully.
It's amazing how I've only known you guys for a week,
And its like we've known eachother forever.
I hope we keep in touch. (:



Muahh.

I'm tired.

Oh and one more thing,

A shout out to my newly found albuquerquen friends..

DON'T GOOOO, I'M GONNA MISS YOU!!! AHHHHH, SADFACE. :'C

Yall need to definitely come visit more often, you guys are beyond awesome and I've actually become somewhat close to a few of you and I'm like 'D:' now that you're leaving.

Noooooooo.

That is all.

Whatta day.

I don't even know where to begin.
Chicago turned out to be pretty amazing.
Some of the encounters with people, were quite awesome.
Being able to go up to some random guy with Joanie.
Trying to give him a note telling him God loves him.
And he rejects.
And then having him share his story.
Then praying for him, and him accepting our note.
It felt so good,
I've never done anything like that before.

Then at church,
Hearing everyone's testimonies and prophetic words and art was so cool.
Being able to be around everyone with this capacity of love for God was amazing.
I actually went up front and worshipped, and danced and it felt good.

Also, me and Joanie were a bit off our rockers.
But hey,
That's okay C:
Right?

I feel like I've seen so many miracles happen this week.
From 15,000 people at JC praising Jesus, to me getting saved, to people getting healed here there and everywhere.

It was such a great experiance.

Then, the weird things..
5 minutes from home..
Text:
"Oh hey, I love you.. progress? Lol"
Wow, I'm so lame.
Really, Kylie?
REALLY!?!

Grrr.

Oh and I had a conversation with my parents today.

I told them about me and Joanies encounter in Chicago. And btw, that's something I did, that I never have done before.
I was lead to do something by God, and it ended up being good.
I've never actually listened and been like OKAY. And doing that, made me realize,
"oh hey, Kylie, listen to God."

So all this week I've been getting signs that I need to like talk to my parents, or something.
Signs:
1. Yesterday at JC, Bill Johnson was talking about honor.
2. The night before, I was reading my bible, and I read Ephesians 6:1-5, and I was like hm..
3. Today, Chuck told us to pray about how were supposed to honor our parents and he said, even those whose parents arn't saved, just honor can give them that little umph.

And that's when I was like, alright God, whatcha saying here?

And so I got home, and I went into my room and I just started praying. Praying that God just show me what to do, or give me something, what to do with all these signs.

And then I looked down and I picked up my bible, and flipped right to Exodus 20:12

So I was like, okay God, I gotcha.

So I called my parents up to my room and told them to sit, and I told them everything that happened in Chicago, and then I told them about all the signs and about JC. And how I got saved. And I ended up telling them sorry for everything, and that I'm so thankful that they've always been here, and all this stuff. And it felt so good to be able to talk to them, for once in my life.

Although, my mom had to ask what being saved means, and what a testimony is..

But I really feel like, I planted some sort of seed in them. Maybe they'll come to love and accept Jesus too C:

And it was just a great day.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Jesus Culture Awakening

These past two nights have been.. beyond cool.

At dinner yesterday, a kid that I just met two days ago, told me that he had a 'prophetic word' for me.
He said that before he came to Illinois, he was given the challenge to find someone, and give a prophetic word to them. And he said I stood out to him.

And he said I was wearing red when he met me, and red represents leadership. That I am a leader among friends. And he said he can feel that something amazing is going to happen. Soon.
And him saying that, I was like wow.

And something amazing DID happen.

It all started last night, Reinhard Bonnke was speaking,
And he said some powerful words.
He's done some powerful things.
God used him to see 55 MILLION Africans come to salvation from 2000-2009.

I won't forget any of it,
Especially when he asked whoever hasn't yet been saved, to raise their hand.

I felt like I was the only one in that arena, filled with 15,000 people, who actually raised their hand.

And I know that's probably not true,

But when everyone started praying,
I felt like..
I don't even know how to explain it..
I felt like it was all aimed at me..
And I know that's not true either,
But it just felt..
Wow.

And then tonight,
I seen magic happen.
So many people in that arena had gotten healed.
It's amazing what God can do.
And during worship tonight, a really strange feeling came on me,
I was looking around at all the people there, worshiping God.
25 minutes of mind-blowing, Jesus-prompted worship without the band.
Screaming, shouting, clapping, and 15,000 voices as one!
It was like, wow, I am so proud to be a part of this,
and the rest of worship, I couldn't help myself from smiling.
And I just had a feeling of love and joy and happiness for God.
It was quite the amazing night.

Although today, my horoscope said " You won't get anywhere today by being shy. If you've got something to say you need to stand your ground, be confident enough to come out say it."
And when I read it, I knew exactly what it was talking about,
And all day today I was thinking about it,
But whenever I had one moment to,
The words, didn't come out
It was God telling me, "It's not the right time. Just hold on, the words will come soon enough."
And that's good enough reason for me.
Maybe tomorrow if I see him..
Or not.

Here I am, rambling,
Anyways, back on track..
As I was walking out of the arena tonight,
I thought of something Reinhard said yesterday,
"Everyone with Jesus, has a flame"
And when I walked out,
I looked around and all I seen was:
15,000 people, with their flames, above their heads.
And it was so.. I don't wanna say weird, but.. it was so weird!
Experiencing something like that..
like, wow.
I felt so good, like, I could cry.

And then when I got home, I looked in the mirror,
And I remembered camp,
And Rob's mirror exercise,
And I looked again,
And I seen a flame,
Above my own head.
And I walked into my room,
And just started crying.
And when I say crying, I mean crying!
Crying for a good half hour straight.
And those of you who know me,
How often do I cry?
Rarely.
But it wasn't a sad cry,
It was a happy-omg-I-love-Jesus-so-much cry.

Tonight, I was saved.

I love Jesus! <3

That is all. C:



Oh and on a completely random, off-topic note, I TOTALLY just seen DAVID TENNANT on a commercial preview for his new movie FRIGHT NIGHT :D

Okay, now that is all. C:

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Free.

I still need to post a song for today.
Here it is.
The song itself is pretty self explanatory, so if you have any questions about the meaning..
Just ask.

Enjoy (:

Free like a bird
Free like the wind
Blowing through my hair and running back again

I, want to fly
Want to see the world with my own eyes
Come along with me and we
Could sail the skies

I want to be forever a kid
I want to be much more than this
I want to break free from this cage
So take my hand, take my hand, and fly me away

I could be your mornings first hello
I could be your, nights last goodnight
I could be yours, and you could be mine
Everytime

I want to be forever a kid
I want to be much more than this
I want to break free from this cage
So take my hand, take my hand, and fly me away

I want to be forever a kid
(I, want to fly)
I want to be much more than this
(Want to see the world with my own eyes)
I want to break free from this cage
(Come along with me and we)
So take my hand, take my hand, and fly me away
(We could sail the skies)

I could be your mornings first hello
I could be your, nights last goodnight
I could be yours, and you could be mine
Everytime

Opinions are appreciated (:

Tonight,

Was kind of amazing.

My name is on my flame.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Bad days.

Bad days like this,
Are truely, very annoying.
So I write haikus.

Nail polish on my thumb,
caught myself chipping it off,
of course I am.

Waiting for children,
to wake from their peaceful sleep,
just keep sleeping.

Jesus culture,
can't even go today.
Babysitting past 5.

Can't think of words,
to write in this short haiku.
Rainbows and unicorns.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Just something I seen, and I'm bored.. so whyyy not??

I'm way too bored...

1. This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
Of course.

2. If you married the last person you chatted with, what would your last name be?
(: Horjus.

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
Yeah, kinda.

4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
Earlier todayy, ms sandy. Haha

5. Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
Naaah

6. Listening to music?
Yeeep, "Y se emonciona, ya no razona. No lo puedo controlar. Y se emonciona, ya no razona. Y me empieza a cantar. Me canta asi, asiiiiii.."

7.What are you excited for?
Jesus culture (:

8. What were you doing yesterday?
Church picnic wooooooo

9. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
To type: Jeremiah. To say: I don't remember.

10. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
A water bottle.

11.Do you have a best friend?
Yeees.

12. Are you scared to fall in love?
Seeing that I am in love.. not at all (:

13. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
See above answer.

14. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
Idk, I haven't wanted to for awhile, hahah

15.What time is it right this second?
11:03

16. What do you want right now?
Things.

17. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Hm.. Jeremiah? Maddie? Idk.. someone from youth I think though.

18. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
See two posts ago.. taken.

19. When was the last time you cried?
At camp.

20. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Eh, yeah, its better now.

21. Do you find it hard to trust others?
Sometimes.

22. How fast does your mind change?
Depends on the subject.

23. I bet you miss somebody right now.
That's a pretty safe bet.

24. Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
YEP C:

25. Why do you think so many people cheat?
'Cause they don't realize the greatness of those they're with.

26. Tell me what's on your mind?
The same thing that's always on my mind.

27. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
This and that.

28. Have you ever worn the opposite gender's clothing?
Yup yup

29. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
Yesterday

30. When is your next road trip?
Idek.

31. Do you have someone of the opposite gender you can tell anything to?
Yes indeedy.

32. How's your heart?
How's yours?

33. Have you ever felt like you weren't important?
Yes.

34. Do you think somebody's in love with you?
Lol.. well, unless they're lying. :p

35. What are you planning on doing after this?
Sleeping? Maybe?

36. Next time you will kiss someone?
Good question.

37. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Told: no. Typed: yes.

38. Who do you not get along with?
Several people.

39. What does your third text on your phone say?
"Their home number is --- --- ----"

40. What are you wearing right now?
Pj pants and a T-shirt.

41. You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
Errr.. awkward.

42. When's the last time you had a grilled cheese?
The other dayyyy

43. What's your fave boy and girl name right now?
Idk what kinda question is that...

44. How did you feel when you woke up?
Goood I thinkk

45. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
Sure (:

46. Do you crack your knuckles?
Allllll the time, haha

47. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
Writing one of my previous posts

48. What are your LEGAL initials?
KEC

49. Whos the first B in your contacts?
Bailee Gregg

50. when was the last time you laughed really hard?
Yesterdaaaay

51. If your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
Without a doubt.

52. Last awkward moment?
Hm... dinner today.

53. Are you afraid of the dark?
Naaah

54. Do you have good vision?
I WISH

55. Have you ever tripped someone?
hahah yeah, on many occasions.

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
HAHAHA YES

57. Are you Irish?
Nope

58. Do you use chap stick?
WHERE'S THE CHAPSTICK?! Yes.

59. Do you have any scars?
Multiple.

60. Is there someone you will never forgive?
Like, one or two people.

61. Are you dating the person you last held hands with?
Not technicalllllllly..

62. Do you trust anyone with your life?
Two or three people.

63. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
Seeing that I already know who I'm gonna marry, and he's almost 2 years younger than me, no (:

64. Can you go in public looking like you do?
Uh no.

65. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a M W K R S J D G or H?
Nope.

66. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The side away from the window.

67. Whats the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
Wake up, ask myself if this is really happening, and then smile because it is. Lol.

68. Do you fall for people easily?
I don't think I do.

69. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
(: yes.

70. Do you miss the way things used to be?
Not one bit.

71. Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yessss

72. Song You're thinking of right now?
Now I have to think of one..

74. Will tomorrow be better than today?
Hopefully (:

75. What’s the color of you’re shirt you are wearing?
Blackk

76. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
Yeah!

77. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Lying is bad.

78. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
Lol.. the other person does.

79. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
Naturallllyy (:

80. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
Lol... well... unless he's lying, he already is (:

....

That was quite personal.

Time

Time time time time time.

It's like no matter how well we divide things up, there's never enough time in the day to get it all done.

I can't even find a place to start with to describe how fast time can truly fly. 24 Hours a day simply isnt enough. But then again. If we had more hours in the day, we'd probably end up with not enough time anyways.
No matter how much time we have, we always want something to last forever, or for something to just end already.

So then I guess a question that might come up is this:
Does time drive us? Or do we drive time?
At first glance, I realized how odd this question might look.
We? Humans? Driving time? How can that be possible?
It might not even be possible.
But I heard this very interesting theory about time.
"Time doesn't exist, time is only perceived as the relevance of the situation to your mind."

So perhaps you're having a good time, with great people.
If you're having an awesome time you can assume that the time will fly by very fast. And why is this?
This happens because since you're enjoying it so much, your brain speeds up the perception of the events in order to keep up with what's going on.
Now let's say you're having one of the most boring nights of your life.
Time will go by slower because since there is not much going on, your brain has no reason to speed up in order to keep up with any events.
But I still haven't come up with an explanation as to why time might seem shorter when say you're in a hurry or something.
Maybe it's because of the anxiety to get to your destination fast, your brain speeds up all processes around you.
Of course this all might just be a true load of junk since we got satellite clocks and all that jazz.
But even with the clocks, I'll check my phone sometimes and still be like, "Dang! Where'd the time go?"

On that note, I have always wondered where time goes when it's been "wasted."
I see time as an object that can manifest into a sort of shape or form, like per say the wind.
Time is flowing all around us in different speeds and waves of frequencies allowing us to actually take them and then live through events with different speeds and times.
So then perhaps if you waste time, that certain manifestation of time is now utterly gone.

Again, all that I have said up before could be complete junk.
I mean yeah, we have the hardcore Sun moves at this speed at this rate therefore we have seconds, minutes, hours, days etc.
But it's interesting to think about time not truly existing.
To just think about how maybe the one driving force for us to get so many daily activities done could simply be a difference in situations.

The one thing I hate most about time though...
Is definitely how controlling it can truly be.
If you wanna see some of your friends, but you live too far away from them or something, chances are you won't get to see them.
Same with like cool stores, or bands, or just thing like that.
If it takes up too much time, then it's a nope!

On the other hand,
Time can be a great thing.
Time heals all wounds.
Eventually all the bullet holes and knife wounds shall be mended,
And you'll have a life's worth of scars written across who you are as a person.
Standing against the odds of time makes you strong, and when you can beat time at its own game, you have this feeling of accomplishment that's like,
"Yeah! I got everything done on time and I STILL have tons of it to spare."
You know?

Time is also deadly, literally.
With each passing moment of the clock, we're another moment closer to death,
And eventually we will reach our own ends of time.

That's another thing I've always wondered about,
What will happen when time itself is put to an end?
I mean it's got to all end sometime, it just has to.
Or then again it's time, it might not have to.
But if it does end, what happens?
Where does everything go?
Does it all just go blank?
Ahh!
Questions questions questions.
So many questions,

And so little time...


To you, about you, a response to you.. whatever, with a hint of espanol.

Just read your poem,
Can't help but smile,
Like always.
And I notice your words,
They're all so true.
And its funny 'cause,
I always notice,
Everything you do.

The way you walk
The way you smile

Really though,

Why can't what we type,
Ever be transferred into words,
In person.

I want to,
I really do,
But its so hard to just spit it out.
"I love you."
"Je t'aime."
"Te amo."
Me gustaria que sabia lo mucho que te amo.
No. You do know.
We both know.

Even when we ARE alone,
We don't say it,
We barely say anything,
But we stand so close,
And I think to myself,
"I love you, I love you. I want to kiss you. Will I? Yes. No. I won't"
Grr.
Why 'no I won't'?
Not as bold as you'd think.
We both want to.
Yet still nothing.
Yes, there's something,
There will always be something.
More than something.

I love you.
You love me.
These are things we both already know.
Why is it so hard to say?

Why is a kiss so difficult?
Even when were alone,
Sitting so close,
Looking into eachothers eyes,
I tell myself,
"It's a perfect time, just go in for that
One.
First.
Kiss."
And as I start to possibly lean in,
I turn my head.
C'mon Kylie.

Even though I turn my head,
I don't feel any awkwardness.
Just sitting so close,
With your arm around me,
Or even just holding your hand,
I feel protected, non-awkwardness.
I feel like you're not going to go anywhere.
And I can tell you love me,
Without it being said.

It doesn't need to be said.
It's the simple things that matter.
It's the way you put your arm around me.
The way I catch you glancing my way,
Only 'cause I'm doing the same.
The way those awkward little silences,
Arn't awkward.
The way we've already got ourselves talking about the future, our future,
And I love it.
The way were not "official",
But yet, if someone were to ask me if I was taken,
Is say yes.
Because being in love,
Is more than being "official".
Porque amor es mas importante que nada de eso.

It's kinda funny though,
You say its easier to put things onto paper,
Rather than actually saying it.
That is so true.
I can write all this on paper,
And type it out,
And then I know you're even going to read it.
But say it to your face?

Yeah, right.