Thursday, August 30, 2012

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald

I seen this quote today. It really made me think. I don't want to feel sad, or unhappy, or depressed any longer. For a long time, I’ve been fighting some really bad crap. I’ve fought the inner demons inside of me, and for the longest time, I thought that I would be this way forever. I couldn’t take the way that I felt. I hated it. However, no matter what I did, I couldn’t shake the dark feeling that loomed over me like a dark rainy cloud. I’ve been working so hard so I could get to a happy point. And it happened, finally. All the sadness, darkness, everything unpleasant isn’t going to be here anymore. I realize that I may not have the best life, and there are going to be things that go wrong, but that doesn't mean that i have to live my life being miserable. I always forget that other people have it worse. I always get to my own head and tell myself that nothing could be worse, and life sucks, yadayada. But in reality, that's totally not right. Nothing's even changed in my life, I just realized that the only thing stopping me from being happy was me and the things I was blaming myself for. I really have absolutly no reason to not just be happy and make the best of things.

So from now on that's exactly what I'm going to do. Things at home are improving, too. Slowly, but surely. With saying that, I still need to get out. The people in the house are improving, but this house holds so many weird memories and it gives off a negative vibe. There is still A LOT of tension and craziness going on, but it is improving. But there are a few of people in my life that I really would like to thank and let you know that just me knowing that you're there for me means more than you know. It's cause of you guys that I actually want to get better, be a better person, be happy. So thank you c: you know who you are.

I can’t tell you how excited I am to finally live, not just exist, and do what I need to do to be the best Kylie Cheslick that I can be.

love and stuff xo