Disclaimer: I wrote this poem a little before Sophomore year. I had not been saved, and I pretty much thought that my life was just spiraling out of control. So there are some curse words in this that I could block out of it, but without it, the poem doesn't have as much feeling as it should. Did. So don't mind those, I am very sorry if they offend anyone. And parts of this is quite, I don't really know the word for it, I guess it just get's quite vulgar in more ways than just the language. It talks about things that a lot of people would consider quite obscene. But to those that don't like those things, this is just a warning that they're there. And to those that know me, and well everyone, I don't think like this about myself anymore. And I don't use this language. But when I wrote this, I did. Obviously.
Therapy
Ahem.
Let me
have your attention.
As we
begin this session.
Lie
down please,
Get
comfortable.
This
won't pass with ease.
Look
inside your head,
And all
the things you did.
Were
you even thinking?
It's
like the light bulb was never lit.
Burned
out,
You've burned
out this time.
It's
sensational,
Congratulations.
Once
again,
You've
done it grand.
Messed
up,
Screwed
up,
Fucked
up,
Everything.
Where
is your head?
C'mon,
where is your head?
Oh you
blame it on the chest?
I
confess,
I
understand,
But
that's just an excuse at best.
And all
your self-loathing,
And
self-directed anger,
Cannot
compensate the fact,
You've
put so much in danger.
Danger.
You're
not thinking straight.
Don't
ask for pity,
Just
wallow in self-hate.
Forgiveness
won't come easily,
Nor in
any real dosage.
For all
the misled actions,
Now
here comes a token.
And
sure you can blame the fact,
That
you're so completely enamored but that,
Won't
you get you out of it this time.
Especially
how you always whine,
That
your heart deserved it.
No,
Your
heart deserves shit.
That's
what you get,
For the
way you handled everything.
So
blind in determination,
Now
where will you find salvation?
You
only deserve damnation,
Possibly
physical elimination,
From
the minds of those,
That
you've done wrong.
If this
were music,
It'd be
a siren song.
You're
confused,
And
wanting,
I
understand.
But
what you've done,
Is
haunting,
You
can't take it back.
Take it
back.
I bet
you wish you could.
And
back in time, I wish you would.
But you
didn't.
So
that's where the problem comes.
It's
embarrassing that you never learn.
You're
a second hand sinner, the last song to sing.
Back it
up, back up for everything.
Damn it
all,
And
damn it again.
There
you go,
Smashing
it all to bits.
Are you
satisfied?
With
the damage you caused?
Yeah I
thought so,
I
thought not.
What's
inside your skull?
Is
there even something there?
Or is
it simply a cave,
Covered
by your hair?
Disappear?
We all
wish you would.
Fucking
disappear.
Perhaps
you should.
You're
thick and narrow minded,
And
honestly I despise it.
I
despise every inch,
Every
atom,
Every
cell.
Don't
you dare ask for reprieve,
When
you deserve this hell.
What's
gotten into you?
Who
have you become?
You're
turning into the person,
You've
hated since day one.
I hope
that guilt settles in,
Like a
rock in your stomach.
And I
hope to God,
You
never recover from it.
I hope
it ties to your ankle,
Like an
anchor out at sea.
And
your lungs start to burn,
As you
swallow everything,
That
you said,
Didn't
say,
And
should've said.
You've
become a poison,
I can't
let you spread.
Tonight,
If you
sleep.
(Because
sleep shouldn't be a guarantee.)
I hope
you dream,
Of
every little scene.
Every
little moment,
Where
you got lost in your own self.
And I
hope you wake up,
With
this feeling,
In the
bottom of your gut,
That
throws you in a rut,
And
keeps your mouth shut.
I hope
you wake up,
With
this feeling,
That
clings to you like a ghost.
And
tortures you because,
You
tortured those you love most.
Ahem.
Thank
you for your attention.
We have
now concluded this session.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Again, this was written about two years ago. My head wasn't really on straight at the time, and this is how I vented. Poetry. And yes, I used to think like this, and I used to be quite messed up. But with help, I am no longer that way.
Now, this doesn't mean that I don't struggle with anything, because believe me, I do.
Sometimes I get so caught up in my past, and I think about why this all even happened,
but I need to learn to let it go,
because I am NOT that person anymore.
I am trying to not be so hard on myself though.
And I'm making progress,
slowly but surely.
(:
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